06.17 | Chalkboard Resolutions by Bart Simpson

Do any of these resonate with you? If so, which ones?

  • I will not carve gods.
  • I will not spank others.
  • I will not aim for the head.
  • I will not barf unless I’m sick
  • I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  • I saw nothing unusual in the teacher’s lounge.
  • I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  • Funny noises are not funny.
  • I will not snap bras.
  • I will not fake seizures.
  • This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  • My name is not Dr. Death.
  • I will not defame New Orleans.
  • I will not prescribe medication.
  • I will not bury the new kid.
  • I will not teach others to fly.
  • I will not bring sheep to class.
  • A burp is not an answer.
  • Teacher is not a leper.
  • Coffee is not for kids.
  • I will not eat things for money.
  • I will not yell “She’s Dead” at roll call.
  • The principal’s toupee is not a Frisbee.
  • I will not call the principal “spud head”.
  • Goldfish don’t bounce.
  • Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
  • No one is interested in my underpants.
  • I will not sell miracle cures.
  • I will return the seeing-eye dog.
  • I do not have diplomatic immunity.
  • I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
  • I will never win an emmy.
  • The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
  • All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
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